An experiment in change

Today I'm starting a new journey.  Putting fresh eyes on an old problem.  The problem is that I find myself to be a failure at all most things home related.  There are a handful of things that I feel like I've grown into over the years…a decent breadmaker, at times a resourceful chef, but for the most part I have never considered myself much of a homemaker.  My house is a mess most of the time and I despise cleaning bathrooms, folding laundry, etc.  I like the idea of a clean house, I really do.  I function better when the house is clean and organized.  I just don't seem to have the skills or motivation (or both) to get it there.
Don't get me wrong, there are aspects of being a homemaker that I love:  being in charge of the way I spend my time (although, come to think of it, this is something I struggle with…more on this later), being able to be there when my kids get out of school, being free to help out when my friends or family might need something.  Being a stay-at-home mom is definitely not a bad gig, if it suits you.
The problem is, I have just never felt like it suited me…mostly because I feel like a big fat failure at it.  I  guess the easy answer then, is to just get a job.  Which I could do.  I could get a job and pay someone to do some of the stuff that I find menial and frustrating, but for some reason that just doesn't sit well with me, at this point in my life.  I feel like there's something for me to learn here.  
So here's where the experiment comes in.  For most of my parenting life (my oldest is 15), I have had my time and focus split between multiple priorities.  I have had three small children, while I worked from home and finished a degree.  There was a part of me that liked being able to tell people about all that I was doing because it made me feel important.  Without all of the extra stuff I'm just a mom…and that doesn't feel important enough.  My goal is to see if I can change my mindset about that.  I know in my brain that being a mom is important and its more than just picking up and dropping off kids at school, or washing clothes and dishes and toilets.  I just often can't get past those parts of it to the parts that are meaningful and fulfilling.